you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
