there was a trapeze. enough said
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i came on her dog
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
