Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
