His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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