Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
