we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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