How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
