Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
She said her name was "party"
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
