Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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