Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
That's how pantless uber rides happen
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
