Just cropdusted the office
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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