It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
