needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
