Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
