my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
