Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
