I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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