You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
