You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
