Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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