then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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