yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
