Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
