I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
