Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
