The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize