I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
