we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
