My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
