i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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