oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
