He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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