He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
