I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
