Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
