She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize