guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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