i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
