I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Randomize
