So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
