Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Holy sore nipples Batman
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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