I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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