i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
