ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
