i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Every concussion has its silver lining
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
