my mouth tastes like poor choices
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
