I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
