So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
