I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
