I murdered the dance floor call the cops
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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