Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
