this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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