Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize