i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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