Did you just see the Batmobile???
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
