The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize