The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize