Pappa wants mamma naked
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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