If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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