sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
