my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
