bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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