so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
