Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Floor bacon is actually really good
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
