I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
