so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
there is glitter all over my balls
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
