i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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