Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
