1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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