all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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