i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
