I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
My penis needs a shock collar
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
